-Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood

“But if in the child are to be found the makings of the man, it is in the child also that the future welfare of the race is to be found”

-Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood

I often find myself amazed that the great respect and awe Montessori had for the child.  This respect informs and underpins her whole philosophy of growth and learning, which I like more and more as I read through it.  I’m looking forward to implementing some of these attitudes into my homeschooling over the next few years (although much of her work applies more to child-rearing than “schooling” – good thing I don’t have to draw a clear line between the two!)

“But let us think, for a moment, of the many peoples of the world who live at different cultural levels from our own. ? In the matter of child rearing, almost all of these seem to be more enlightened than ourselves–with all our Western ultramodern ideals. ? Nowhere else, in fact, do we find children treated in a fashion so opposed to their natural needs. ? In almost all countries the baby accompanies his mother wherever she goes. ? Mother and child are inseparable. ? All the while they are out together, mother talks and baby listens. ? If the mother argues about prices with a vendor, it is in the child’s presence; he sees and hears all that goes on. ? And this lasts for the whole period of maternal feeding, which is the reason for this close alliance. ? For the mother has to feed her child, and therefore she cannot leave him at home when she goes out. ? To this need for food is added their mutual fondness and love. ? In this way, the child’s need for nutrition, and the love that unites these two beings, both combine in solving the problem of the child’s adaptation to the world, and this happens in the most natural way possible. ? Mother and child are one.

“Except where civilization has broken down this custom, no mother ever entrusts her child to someone else. ? The child shares the mother’s life and is always listening. ? Mothers are often said to be talkative, but this also must be a help to the child’s development and to his work of adaptation. ? Yet, were he to hear only words addressed to himself, he would gain very little. ? It is when he hears the full discourse of grown-up people, and can see their actions which make their meaning clear, that he grasps little by little even the construction of sentences. ? This is far more important than the one-syllabled words that his mother lisps to him. ? It is the language of living thought clothed in action.

“All the great human groups, nations and races have their individual differences; ? for example, they have different ways of carrying the baby….In most parts of the world, mothers put the baby on a small bed, or in a large bag; they do not carry him in their arms. ? In some countries, the child is attached by means of loops to a piece of wood which is then placed on the mother’s shoulders when she goes to work. ? Some hang the child from their necks, others tie him to their backs, and others again put him in a small basket; but in all countries mothers have found a way of taking their children about with them….

[And you thought our Moby Wrap looked strange! ]

“Another point is the custom of prolonging the period of maternal feeding. ? Sometimes this lasts for a year and a half; sometimes for two, or even three years. ? This has nothing to do with the child’s nutritional needs, because for some time he has been able to assimilate other kinds of food; but prolonged lactation requires the mother to remain with ther child, and this satisfies her unconscious need to give her offspring the help of a full social life on which to construct his mind. ? Because, even if the mother does not speak to the child herself, the mere fact of being with her brings him into contact with the world; he sees and hears the folk in the street and in the market place, carts, animals, and other sights take a place in his mind, even if he does not know their names….

“One observes, too that the little one, going about with his mother, never cries unless he is ill or hurt in some way. ? Sometimes he may fall asleep, but he does not cry….

[My kids do cry, even in the wrap. ? But they cry so much less than when they are sitting by themselves! ? Even Lucy is still constantly asking us to "Hold you" - somtimes she just craves that physical closeness.]

“Yet the crying of children is a problem in Western countries. ? How often do we hear parents complain of their children’s incessant crying? ? They discuss what to do to quieten the baby, and how to keep him happy. ? The reply of modern psychology is this: ‘The baby cries and becomes disturbed, has screaming fits and rages, because he is suffering from mental hunger.’ ? And this is the truth. ? The child is bored. ? He is being mentally starved, kept prisoner in a confined space offering nothing but frustration to the exercise of his powers. ? The only remedy is to release him from solitude, and let him join in social life. ? This treatment is naturally and unconsciously adopted in many countries. ? With us, it must become understood and applied delibertely, as a result of conscious thought.”

Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind (written sometime prior to 1952)

?

So we buy expensive contraptions and schedule play-dates to entertain infants, who might merely want a different sort of mommy-time. ? Not that I object to the occasional play-date, but I do like the idea this leads toward, which is that children need to be socialized outside of their own age level (which requires a much more detailed post at another time). ?

It strikes me that the industrialization, and now the desk-ification of our work force ? has made it harder and harder for women to be with their babies. ? I know it is much easier for me to take Samantha (and even Lucy, sometimes) or to work in the garden than to try and do work on the computer, even in our own house. ? They thrive on the movement and fresh air, and sitting with me at a desk job would offer them neither. ? I am so glad that soon I can start working with them everyday rather than trying to work around them.

“In fact, we are always meeting in nature with admirable examples of the close correspondence between the forms of the organs and the offices they fulfill, even when these bring no actual benefit to the animal. The insects which suck nectar from flowers of a certain kind, develop probosces adapted to the length of corolla which those flowers possess. But they also develop a coating, quite useless to themselves, by which they collect pollen, and this fertilizes the flowers they will visit afterwards.

“So here is a great new upheaval in our ideas! From this fresh point of view, the purposes of the living seem to be related rather to the doing of work needed by the environment. It is almost as if the living were agents of creation, charged each with a particular task, like the servants in a large house, or the employee of a business. The harmony of nature on the earth’s surface is produced by the efforts of countless living beings, each of which has its own duties. These are the forms of behavior that we observe, and it follows that such behavior serves purposes far beyond the mere ministering of each to its own vital needs.”

~Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

I especially like the phrase “agents of creation”. We are called to take an active role in creating a loving, welcoming, holy family in each of our homes, and to put this end above our individual desires. An agent is a very active person, working, striving for his goal. We tend to think of creation as something God did a long time ago, but each new person is a new creation, and we have the opportunity to re-create ourselves every morning when we get out of bed. Our call is to strive each day to create ourselves more in the likeness of Christ: more caring, more giving, more focused on others than on ourselves.

This can be a challenge after losing sleep to a crying infant, or having to get up much too early to go to a stressful job. But it strikes me as good challenge (or “resolution”) for the New Year, and it might do us more good than resolving to lose ten pounds: make a point to be a little more cheerful each morning (an early morning prayer can help here!), and a little kinder and more giving to the members of your family the rest of the day. These are the people who are easiest to neglect, but who are also the most important to really care for. Try counting the sacrifices you make during the day, not so that you can gloat about how much you give, but to help you recognize how much you are willing to give out of love for your family. You, like St. Therese, might even be surprised how little you actually do give of yourself each day! If you find yourself struggling to be giving, think of the act as an Epiphany present (or, in a few days, a very early Christmas present) that you may only have the opportunity to give now.? Christ gives himself to us daily, both through the Mass and in so many other ways; here is an opportunity to be Christlike through our gifts of service to our families.

Better yet, try to count how many sacrifices are made for you in the course of the day. You may be surprised how many you never recognized! Let your little acts of charity (especially the unrecognized ones!) be your gift for the grace of your family, and let your gratefulness for the sacrifices from which you benefit lift your spirits at the thought of all your many blessings!

“So here is a great new upheaval in our ideas! From this fresh point of view, the purposes of the living seem to be related rather to the doing of work needed by the environment. It is almost as if the living were agents of creation, charged each with a particular task, like the servants in a large house, or the employee of a business. The harmony of nature on the earth’s surface is produced by the efforts of countless living beings, each of which has its own duties. These are the forms of behavior that we observe, and it follows that such behavior serves purposes far beyond the mere ministering of each to its own vital needs.”

~Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

It is easy to apply Montessori’s description to the environment in general, but I love it as a model of the family (which I think is generally where Montessori is going here). Contrary to what we seem to hear from our culture, particularly in the “I want” spirit of the commercial Christmas season, it is not the good of the individual which matters the most, but the growth of the group. Keeping this in mind, we can see how the sacrifices each member of a family may have to make can work together to create a stronger whole. A teenager giving up a night out, an older sister being patient with a younger sibling, the dad who doesn’t buy a new fishing pole for himself so he can spend the money taking his children to the zoo, families who sacrifice the luxury of a second income for the sake of homeschooling…there are a thousand possible examples.

Try counting how many sacrifices you make for your family in a day. How many sacrifices do you recognize your spouse or older children making for you? This is starting to sound pretty Lenten, but I think it could be a very useful exercise preparing for Christmas. Think of each of these sacrifices as little (though very important) Christmas presents you are giving to your family. And imagine how thankful you will be when you have recognized what you spouse gives up for you in the course of a day! This kind of change in your relationships, and your attitudes towards them, will last much longer and be much more appreciated than another sweater or unwanted gadget.