“What could I make of so much suffering?  There was no way for me, or for anyone else in the family, to get anything out of it.  It was a raw wound for which there was no adequate relief.  You had to take it, like an animal.  We were in the condition of most of the world, the condition of men withiout faith in the presence of war, disease, pain, starvation, suffering, plague, bombardment, death.  You just had to take it, like a dumb animal.  Try to avoid it, if you could.  But you must eventually reach the point where you can’t avoid it any more.  Take it.  Try to stupefy yourself, if you like, so that it won’t hurt so much.  But you will always have to take some of it.  And it will all devour you in the end.

Indeed, the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to  your fear of being hurt.  The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all.  It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture.  This is another of the great perversions by which the devil uses our philosophies to turn our whole nature inside out, and eviscerate all our capacities for good, turning them against ourselves.”

-Seven Story Mountain

Which was a little helpful thinking about my Dad suffering, and my Mom now in grief, and one of Craig’s uncles who has been sick and in pain for years now.  And relating to childbirth, as well.  But with faith and by joining suffering to Christ on the cross, it is not so dire.

“In fact, we are always meeting in nature with admirable examples of the close correspondence between the forms of the organs and the offices they fulfill, even when these bring no actual benefit to the animal. The insects which suck nectar from flowers of a certain kind, develop probosces adapted to the length of corolla which those flowers possess. But they also develop a coating, quite useless to themselves, by which they collect pollen, and this fertilizes the flowers they will visit afterwards.

“So here is a great new upheaval in our ideas! From this fresh point of view, the purposes of the living seem to be related rather to the doing of work needed by the environment. It is almost as if the living were agents of creation, charged each with a particular task, like the servants in a large house, or the employee of a business. The harmony of nature on the earth’s surface is produced by the efforts of countless living beings, each of which has its own duties. These are the forms of behavior that we observe, and it follows that such behavior serves purposes far beyond the mere ministering of each to its own vital needs.”

~Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

I especially like the phrase “agents of creation”. We are called to take an active role in creating a loving, welcoming, holy family in each of our homes, and to put this end above our individual desires. An agent is a very active person, working, striving for his goal. We tend to think of creation as something God did a long time ago, but each new person is a new creation, and we have the opportunity to re-create ourselves every morning when we get out of bed. Our call is to strive each day to create ourselves more in the likeness of Christ: more caring, more giving, more focused on others than on ourselves.

This can be a challenge after losing sleep to a crying infant, or having to get up much too early to go to a stressful job. But it strikes me as good challenge (or “resolution”) for the New Year, and it might do us more good than resolving to lose ten pounds: make a point to be a little more cheerful each morning (an early morning prayer can help here!), and a little kinder and more giving to the members of your family the rest of the day. These are the people who are easiest to neglect, but who are also the most important to really care for. Try counting the sacrifices you make during the day, not so that you can gloat about how much you give, but to help you recognize how much you are willing to give out of love for your family. You, like St. Therese, might even be surprised how little you actually do give of yourself each day! If you find yourself struggling to be giving, think of the act as an Epiphany present (or, in a few days, a very early Christmas present) that you may only have the opportunity to give now.? Christ gives himself to us daily, both through the Mass and in so many other ways; here is an opportunity to be Christlike through our gifts of service to our families.

Better yet, try to count how many sacrifices are made for you in the course of the day. You may be surprised how many you never recognized! Let your little acts of charity (especially the unrecognized ones!) be your gift for the grace of your family, and let your gratefulness for the sacrifices from which you benefit lift your spirits at the thought of all your many blessings!